Should You Stop Smiling?
“You smile too much.” The PR expert who sat across from me looked confident as she delivered the news. She had made time to help the global award-winning nonprofit that I founded, Days for Girls, by helping ensure that I was ready to show up at the peek of confidence in every room. She continued to stare at me from her side of the desk at her posh office in downtown Seattle. This was a few years ago now and yes, I actually paid for the gift of her advice. And this was it. “You smile too much.”
I’m sure that I wasn’t smiling after she said that. In fact, I remember feeling shocked.
She is not the first to have said this to me. A man at an office once asked, “Do you even know what you are smiling about?” I stopped, thanked him for his question and started listing off the things I was smiling about which included my children having arrived for a special workshop. He almost rolled his eyes, but I smiled at him. Of course.
When I did my Tedx Talk years ago, an expert came and observed our talks and said, “It’s a little disturbing how you are somber and speaking of hard things one minute and then smile and give upbeat news the next.” Her statement had me second guessing the assurance of the event organizers and my usual ease with the audience. Friends said when they later watched it they kept thinking, “There she is!” But I retreated from my usual confidence each time that I started to show up in my genuine manner. Either way, second guessing ourselves is not good. Better to decide.
Smiling is proven in multiple studies to offer not only a mood boost but to help our bodies release cortisol and endorphins that do everything from reducing stress, blood pressure, and pain to increasing endurance and immune strength.
So, how much is too much smiling?
My friend Janine Keblish, a retired Ford Model and producer once told me that they taught her to smile in a way that looks genuine but protects from wrinkles. She’s good at it too. Me, I was not warned in time. I already went all in.
We now know that we don’t have to go full wattage with our smile to gain some of the benefits of smiling.
Amy Cuddy delivered a powerful TED talk about how your emotions can follow your body’s lead and gain confidence. Even placing a pencil between your teeth can force a half smile that increases endorphins. A laboratory-proven fact that was later refuted and then proven again. Smile power has real benefits.
One woman reported that when she was mandated to wear masks she found herself relaxing into a smile for the first time in years and felt so much better, learning for the first time that her lack of smiling for fear of showing her naturally crooked teeth was affecting her mood and health. She decided to get braces to help her keep her smile and confidence.
Some people don’t feel inclined to smile. In fact some cultures are less inclined to smile. That’s okay too. It turns out that Mona Lisa may truly have been holding a secret with that knowing half smile of hers.
Dr. Marsha Linehan recommends a half-smile technique to reduce emotional distress and first thing while waking up. Try the slightest sliver of a smile while breathing deep full inhales and exhales. She has more recommendations too. You can sneak in half smiles at quiet moments throughout the day. She even recommends a “half smile” when irritated.
The bottom line, you can be genuine at any smile wattage. You can uphold your current smile-factor, or up it a slight bit, no need to go full wattage, keep your face more wrinkle free, and still enjoy some of the health benefits.
Maybe that woman was right and some people don’t trust my ever lingering, all-in smile. But it’s a genuine reflection of my awe and wonder at all we have to be grateful for and all that is possible for a better future for everyone when we all come together.
To smile or not to smile?
My decision? I can’t help myself. I’m smiling ear to ear right this minute just thinking about it. Because… I can. I’m choosing to go all in with smiles.
What about you? Do you feel smiles can get in the way of trust and appearing professional? Have you seen someone smiling and felt they were insincere? Or interacted with someone who didn’t smile and thought them surly or more difficult to trust? Is there an acceptable or unacceptable smile factor?
More about how my smile choice affected my author’s photo for the book jacket cover for #ThePowerofDays… soon.
